Following on my post of ‘losing my heart horse’ I wanted to follow up with what we all experienced.
The moments after Sky died were awful, but I’m so grateful for the people who were at that yard for their support. The ones who came over, were so lovely or helped me in some way, by mucking out or giving Rupert some more hay. And everyone else stayed out of the way.
My grandad come up to say goodbye to her before she went. Them two had such a great bond, he didn’t know a thing about horses, but she was just obsessed with him. My grandad is a typical ‘tough guy’ won’t have anyone think he has a soft spot, but I know he left early that day because he didn’t want to cry in front of anyone.
My nanny had a party previously planned at hers which I went to, but I just remember I had to keep going off to cry in another room. It’s a type of grief I’ve never felt before.
The other person that losing Sky affected the most was my dad. He doesn’t really have a lot to do with my horses, he’ll help me when I need it, but it’s not really his thing. He’d always make fun of me for talking about them so much. But I think that day he really realised what she meant to me and what she’d done for me.
Dad watched her get put on the trailer to be taken away and I think that hurt him a lot more than he thought it would, but he did it because he knew I wouldn’t want her to be on her own. As the days passed me and dad comforted each other and would quite often have a cry together (not sure he’d like to admit that on here).
Then there was Rupert, I’d let him see her after she’d passed away in the hope that it would help him understand why he wasn’t going to see her again. He became very needy and boisterous. Ruperts always been quite mouthy, but he was biting my shoulder when I was leading him, and grabbing my coat and the next minute would just have his head on me, it felt like if he could cry he would have. I had massive problems with keeping him in his field over the next few weeks and he kept breaking through to the fence to get to my friends mare. My friend very kindly let me turn Rupert out with her while he grieved.
I was extremely lucky to have such an amazing support system in the time not long after she died and I received some beautiful cards and messages, some from people I didn’t realise even knew Sky.
There was a funny story after Skys death which I still chuckle about occasionally. I’m sure you’ll see throughout the blog posts that I didn’t have the easiest time with Sky. But the day that she died, and I had the knackerman come to collect her, he gave me three options. I could have her in a group cremation and have a small box of some of her ashes, I could have a private cremation with a small, engraved box with some of her ashes, or I could have a private cremation with a small, engraved box with her ashes and then have the rest of her back in a box for me to scatter. Seeing as I was so distraught, I obviously went for the most expensive.
I had the phone call to say that it was done and that they would drop her off at the vets for me to collect. Rupert was booked for his vaccinations the following week, so I asked if they’d bring the ashes with them. They said, ‘they’d try’. I couldn’t work out what the big deal would be. That was until they turned up. I got handed this lovely little engraved box with a nice message on. I’m thinking to myself ‘why was this going to cause such a problem’. He then said, ‘hang on let me get the rest, where do you want it?’. I opened the boot of my car, and he lifts out the biggest box, it must have weighed over 20kg and contained the rest of sky and her shoes. I burst out laughing. Even in death this horse was causing grief! I still wouldn’t say I was over it, but time is a great healer and if you’re experiencing what I went through at the minute, then I just want to tell you that it does get easier. It doesn’t feel like it, but it does. Don’t give up riding because just because it will never be the same, your horse would never want you to feel like you had to give up your passion.