In this blog I’ll be talking about the loss of my horse, so if any of you might find this triggering, please don’t read on. However, I wanted to post this because it’s not something that’s talked about too much and I hope it can help someone.
It was the 29th of December 2022, and I’d been staying at my friend’s house looking after her dog, it was 8 in the morning, and I had a phone call from another livery on the yard, I answered thinking they were going to tell me to get out of bed because my horses wanted to go out.
That wasn’t what was said, she told me that Sky had thrown her water bucket over which got them to look over her door where they see her stood sweating, with colic like symptoms and a very swollen leg.
I’ve never moved so quick, I let the dog out, fed the dog and cat and was at the yard within 10 minutes. Sky was a known drama queen, and I was trying to keep as calm as possible because I didn’t want to upset her, and I also didn’t want to jump to conclusions.
I got straight on the phone to the vet and got told they’d ring me back in 20 minutes, 20 minutes goes by, and I hadn’t heard anything, so rang again and they got someone sent out. I’d also spoken to my parents in the meantime, but told them not to worry, because Sky always had something going on… typical thoroughbred! However, my mum said after that she had a bad feeling about it all and they decided to come over just in case.
The vet turned up and was just amazing, we treated her for colic and gave her some strong painkillers and she started to calm down. She then rang for the X-ray machine which was about an hour away. The vet stayed with me, and would periodically come out and comment that she now knows how it feels when you’re the one waiting. In this time Sky laid down and by the look of her leg, the vet told me to prepare that she might not get up again.
How did she go from a perfectly healthy happy horse to this in one night? However, being a mare, she wasn’t being told what she was going to do and jumped up on three legs. It was like a Disney moment, and I was hoping this was a positive sign.
The X-ray machine turned up and this is where we could see the severity of the injuries. Sky had broken her canon bone and shattered her pelvis. There was nothing anyone could do. We spoke to the specialist on the phone who informed us that even if they could treat, her quality of life would be so poor, and it would be cruel to put her through it. We worked out that she must have laid down in the stable, rolled or got stuck and thrashed about trying to get up, although there wasn’t a single mark on the outside of her legs.
I was then given the option of putting her to sleep then and there, or waiting a few hours, or even waiting to the next day. I wanted a little bit of time with her, to say my goodbyes, and for some family to come and say goodbye. We gave her some more painkillers and the vets left with the plan to get back in a couple of hours.
Its like she knew, she started trying to pace round her stable on three legs and it was just horrific to watch, I rang the vet straight back and she told me she’d be back within the hour. As soon as I hung up that phone call, Sky stopped and stood there, I couldn’t believe it, it was like she knew that the pain was coming to an end.
We gave her lots of cuddles in her stable and her favourite treats and she cuddled up with her head on me. The vet then came back. This was a moment I always knew I’d have to prepare for, but never realised it would be so soon.
She told me that it would be unlikely we would be able to get her out of the stable because she was on three legs, but with a bit of support from behind she followed me straight outdoor and to a grassy area where she had a few mouthfuls of grass. We all said our final goodbyes, and the vet explained to me that I could hold her while she had the sedative, but that she would hold her while she laid down in case, she fell on to me, but also that she wanted me back with her the second she touched the ground.
I’d known this particular vet from when I first got Sky and she’d been there through everything we’d done and knew the bond we had. I spoke to sky until the vet took the lead rope and helped her go down and then I ran back over and laid with her, it was so peaceful. I thought she was gone, but the vet told me her heart was still beating and to keep talking, which is exactly what I did. When we knew shed gone the vet told me shed never known a horse to be so calm just by the sound of its owner’s voice and that Sky trusted me 100% and knew she could let go.
One thing I thought would bother me was that when their heart stops, their eyes don’t close, and they still twitch or gasp because the rest of their body is catching up and the air is leaving their lungs. But Sky just looked so peaceful. Her nostrils were twitching a bit and her eyes were open, but she looked like she was having a snooze.
I didn’t watch her get taken away because I’d seen it happy before and it wasn’t a picture I wanted to remember of her. My dad said that he would stay with her.
As awful as the whole experience was, I’m just so grateful that nothing was a difficult choice, I truly loved sky enough to let her go.
I know this isn’t the normal positive content I try to put out, but I feel that these things are so important to talk about because it’s a decision that every horse owner will have to make at some point.
Sky had a hard start in life, but I know she was happy with me. I’m so grateful of the support I’ve had from so many people and the reassurance that I made the right decision.
We love you Sky, hope you’re eating all the Christmas pudding Stud Muffins up there.